It was hard to change from my focus being on me to my little Izzie Monkey ruling my life. Sometimes I still wake up and think, wait a minute... I am a mom. FREAK---Y!
Before becoming a mom, my life was about my career and getting to the top of my field. My idea of parenthood was not positive. It was time consuming and uninteresting. Turns out that it's just a shift, our life now is prioritized on baby's needs but it's not drastically different, just a bit more luggage and milk.
Now, I have to move slower. It's not about being at the top anymore, not about being a know it all, not about how the people at work see me, it's about being the person that my baby thinks I am.
Don't get me wrong being a mom is no joke.Being a mom is the hardest thing in my life. My job gives me grief but it's small potatoes compared to the look on my daughter's face when I leave her. I know that she's not old enough to know that her mom leaves her everyday for her own selfish reasons. But I can feel her judgement. I can feel her saying, "Why aren't you home with me?" It's the mother's guilt. I love working and I love my baby. How do you choose only one?Work is nothing compared to raising a human. How do you teach a person how to live in this world? A world that sometimes disgusts me. How do I protect my child from everything? How do I make sure she never feels heartbreak and fear the way that I have? I can't.
I run to show her that I can take care of myself. I run to show her how anything is possible and that it doesn't matter what you look like, you can overcome anything with your mind. I run to think about her being in my life. I think about being a better mother. I think about my mother. I run because I can.
I run because moms can do anything. I run for me. I run to show that life goes on as a parent and that it isn't just teething crackers and sweatsuits (that's only for Sundays), life can still be sweaty and fast (well, maybe not too fast) and fun.
She's teaching me to be a mom and I take her lessons to the road with me at 4AM. What do you think about?
See you on the road.
