For an entire week I was caught up in a tumultuous conundrum of conflicting attitude. Excitement in the culmination of more than 7 months of knee jarring, foot pounding, back breaking effort to prepare my body for, what I thought at the time, an impossible task. In direct conflict was the nervousness I was experiencing in the knowledge that maybe, just maybe, after all that pain......it wasn't enough?
Butterflies, an understatement, Excitement was at war with Nervousness and the battle was being waged in my stomach. I had not been this at odds with my body since puberty and I had no recourse to resolve the conflict. This war continued to escalate up to an including the morning of the big race. The night before was like the first day of school . I laid out all my clothes, made a list of all the things I needed to do in the morning before I left, and set my alarm for 4:10 a.m. and 4:25 a.m as back up.
RIIINNNNGGGG!!!!! "The alarms going off! What time is it? 4:25! What happened to the first alarm!" Trina turned it off she said she woke me up, obviously she didn't. "Can't worry about that now. Where's my list? Downstairs...... Have I done everything on the list? man, I have to use the bathroom, but I don't have the time, I should have put it on the list. 4:35! Dammit! I'm suppose to be out the door. Where is the map to Maria's house? Gatorade, Bananas, Sandwich.....shit, where's my IPOD, upstairs.......I got to use the bathroom.....4:40! I don't have time....(Tummy Rumbling) Looks like I gotta make time......Whew! I'm glad it was a clean one! I gotta go! Bye Trina." Good Luck Earl. "Where is that map! 4:43! Things are off to a very bad start!"
War is a savage beast. It is destroying my ability to relax. Excitement is taking a beating, Nervousness prevails.
With the war raging in my stomach there was just no way I could eat, but I managed to force down half a sandwich, two bites of my bananas, and some Gatorade. After I picked up Maria I quickly realized that I wasn't the only one nervous. I imagine we talked continuously from the moment she sat in the car till we separated to go to our respective buses.....
"I'm not going to be able to do this, I am two hundred and seventy freakin pounds what the hell am I thinking! Next year, yea I know I could do it next year...I mean really just because I ran 20 miles does in no way indicate that 26.2 miles is attainable. Awwww shoot.....I forgot my bag! I should just leave my stuff in the car, no, I need to be comfortable. Earl, get on the bus. Man just look at all the skinny assed people, they need a big people bus. Oh My God! She smells horrible! Note to self....Don't sit in the back of the charter bus! I need to focus. I should take a nap.....can't sleep......I'll listen to this book I have on my IPOD.
I'm gazing out the window as the bus travels to the start line and the view is just a blur. I wish I could relax. I worried about my calf tightening up, cramps, and simply not being able to finish. This is just horrible. I just don't know where to put my mind.
"OK, focus on what you need to accomplish in the beginning. One step at a time. I need to stretch my calves, go empty the bladder......I can't believe I left my bag and I am not throwing this sweatshirt away...Don't start out too fast..... (LOUDSPEAKER) THE RACE WILL START ON TIME. TWO MINUTES TILL WE START! What did she say? I didn't stretch my calves enough. This nervousness is ridiculous. I can do this. I am a grown ass man! THE START GUN FIRES!!!
Start Running TM 2008 Part II
There is nothing to do now but start running.
Nervousness has an ally now, and is attacking excitement on it's flank. Every person that passes me is a jab at my ego and is heightening my anxiety levels. I wanna break out running right up to the front of the pack. But I have to remember what happened to me during the 10 mile run I did earlier. I took off like a bat out of hell and I didn't have anything at the end, and the goal is to finish.
"Let the people pass you. Remember what happened in the last race. Start slow. So what if you're last, what is that saying about the turtle and hare, something about long and slow...no, no, that's not it.....enduring to the end.......no, that's biblical. Hell, you now what you are trying to say to yourself! Just do it! Stay within your own pace. 1/2 mile walk, 1/2 mile run ......Looks like I'm keepin up with this old lady, I'll pace off her....I think I should run.........NO!!! It hasn't been a half mile, patience my friend. The turtle and the hare. Stay focused. OK, I'm at the half mile point, GO! ..............Self Diagnostic. Not tire, NOT NERVOUS. I'm good...... OK here's the mile marker. My IPOD says 1.1 miles. Does that mean I didn't run 20 miles for my training run? No, Tia says it was 20 miles, then it was 20 miles. Self Diagnostic...... Hows my breathing? Good, not tired. Hows my left calf? Not tight! Achilles tendon? Sore, but well within typical parameters. No unusual pains. Self diagnostic complete. PASS. I can do this.
No Problems TM 2008 Part III
Oh I'm running now. Obviously, it all comes out in the wash, and that appears to include nervousness and all that other stuff that was plaguing me pre race. Now, I'm Good. First 6 miles up and down hills, I have a split time of 14:04 mpm, people are cheering and all enthusiastic and I was riding the wave. My motivation is peaked. So as I turn onto Oracle Rd I am cautiously confident that I will finish this race, but respectful that 20 miles is a long way.
Vince stops by to check on me asks me how I'm doing. I reply, "4 miles per hour, gotta good pace going, I'm doing good. Well within my physical parameters. Monitor my hydration stay up on the Hot Shots one between the cheek and gums will do me just fine.
As far as I knew I was well prepared, three blocks per hour, 6 blocks per pack, 2 hours per pack, 3 packs gives me 6 hours. I'm good. Unfortunately I have a dilemma, I just don't know it yet.
Vince rides up again and says, "Well, you'll have a few more hills when you hit the 10 mile mark, but after that it's all down hill." I tell him thanks for the heads up. "See you down the road."
I've been running for 3 miles continuously and I'm coasting, but with the warning at mile 8 I decide to check up and start alternating my running and walking every half mile per my plan.
DAMN!!! More hills!! This is going to be trouble. Ok, I need to approach this methodically. (Light bulb comes on!) I know I'll walk up the hills and run down. Shoot, that felt like a ...... is that a twinge in my thigh....I sure hope not, not with all these hills coming up let me eat some more gels and drink two cups of water at the next station....Hey, I am actually going to pass these two guys! I am no longer last whoohoooo!
Mile 10
Oh, it's serious now! Biosphere Rd is an out and back and this water station is a lot thinner with volunteers although they are still enthusiastic. I am uplifted by the number of people that are coming back since that means they are only a couple of miles ahead of me.
I hope these hills aren't too steep, maybe I should get 3 cups of water....
I won't let you into my head for miles 10 thru 13 due to the harsh language as a result of those damnable hills. But needless to say those hill whipped my ass! At mile 12 I felt my first cramp and it scared me. This was the first time my doubts had corroborating evidence. Biosphere Rd was not just up and down it was up and up and down. I was briefly excited at the 13 mile point, since it marked the half way point, but I had been doing this for more than 3 hours and the excitement quickly receded. On top of that, not only was my thigh feeling crampy, but now my groin was starting to suffer the consequences of those damnable hills.
Mile 14
26.2 miles is a long way. My feet are throbbing with an intensity I have heretofore never experienced, AND can I keep these cramps at bay? Will I be able to finish? This thing right here is going to be ugly at the end.
The Dead Zone
Just to prove my point, I enter the Dead Zone. This is what I refer to as the distance between mile 14 and mile 20. There is nothing you can do during this segment to motivate yourself, there is no positive side to look at in the Dead Zone. The Dead Zone crushes optimism and severs the tenous hold on your sanity. At the point I reached mile 14 I have been running for 3.5 hours and I still had more than 3.5 hours to go. There is no mental nor physical comfort in the dead zone. Each mile marker is gruesome reminder that you are slowly destroying yourself physically and there is no end in sight. Your mind is your worst enemy because is continually reminds you that you are an idiot in this attempt at stupidity, yet it is your mind that convinces your body to keep going. I don't even remember mile 15. I must of blacked out. Dead man running! Mile 16 includes a new muscle cramp, the calves, to add to the groin and the thighs, yes plural, thighs. A pain in my right knee and that persistent never ending throbbing in my feet serve to round out the platter of pain I am engorging myself with. Mile 17 I have seen the gates of hell! At this point your mind starts playing cruel tricks on you. He suggest that hey it's only 9 miles to go. And just as you start to focus on the positive aspect of that statement he reminds you, "but you still have over 2 hours of running to do!" How do I go on!
Mile 18
What is that! I am your runners soul. I need you to focus on the goal that I might flourish and strengthen to carry you to the end. What....................? Anyway. Man, I wonder what I would say if the news cameras just so happen to be at the finish line when I get there. "First, I would like to thank my wife and family for there support. Training for this marathon has been a time consuming yet rewarding in.......WHY IN THE HELL would the person in dead last be newsworthy.....I am officially losing it. My mind is going and it's all I have, because were it left up to my feet, I would stop now! I'm not going to make it..........................
So Very Long TM 2008 Part IV
It's Mile 19 and the water stations are no longer manned! Really they can't even be called stations since it's just a couple of bottles of water on the curb. Race officials keep riding by me like vultures waiting for me to keel over and die. I automatically give them the thumbs up to let them know I still have life left in me. But it's more of a reaction than a thought out process, because if I thought about it I would probably wave them over hop in the backseat and ride off into the sunset. But something won't let me. I just got to the top of a mile and a half gradient and my hamstrings have joined in the chorus. Dude, just stop! Unfortunately my mind won't let me. Isn' t that ironic. The same evil sadistic organ that kept trying to convince me that I couldn't do back at mile 14 is the same body part that rallies all the other tissue together to keep me going. Oh, that bastard is pure evil!
I wonder how Jamie and Tia are doing? I wish I was running with them. It would be a lot easier. MILE 20. SHIT! I thought that was mile 21! 6 instead of 5, no problem. Body: You can always just quit. Mind: Yes, you could, but how would you feel. Body: GREAT! The pain would end. Mind: No, my friend. it would only be just begining. The mind racking agony you would face knowing you just gave up.
MILE 21: No water for tears
5 miles all day no problem. Self Diagnostic.....Feet maybe 20% of capacity. Muscular endurance.... depleted, deep into reserves. Mental Capacity...failing Overall condition....failing. Executing past tolerances cannot continue to operate under these conditions. Failure Eminent. Suggest course of action. ALL STOP!!!
MILE 22: This is where I reached my lowest point mentally and physically. The cones marking the course, GONE! Water stations are notable for their lack of water and confluence of trash bags. I went from running in the Tucson Marathon to just some dude running on the side of the road. Ironically, the guy collecting the water station offers up some encouragement telling me not to stop no matter what. On the outside, I smile give the automated thumbs up, on the inside....Man you can kiss my running ass! If you wanna help leave the damn water stations.
MILE 23: I stop to pee! I'm standing in the blue upright coffin and my legs ache so bad I can hardly be still long enough to empty my bladder. This is just ridiculous.
MILE 24: Here we go! 2 miles all day no problem! I expected to gradually feel the growing ebb of excitement as I closed in on my final destination, but to my surprise it has hit me all of a sudden. Over the past couple of miles I was so distraught that I couldn't muster up enough mental energy to realize that I had 3 and 4 miles respectively remaining in my journey. Now I only have 2 and I am excited. Oh, don't get me wrong, my feet are still on the verge of exploding, but I am floating on a bubble of joy and the knowledge that nothing short of an earthquake is going to keep me from finishing, is the overiding theme in my conscienciousness. And God does not hate me enough to do that! Self Diagnostic....Doesn't even matter.
I don't have the mental capacity to appreciate the significance, I just notice the events.
MILE 25: The pain in my feet is closing in on unbearable, but I won't stop!
MILE 25.5: I catch the men picking up the cones and pass them.
MILE 25.6: I see Trina in the minivan
MILE 25.9: I turn the last corner, my stomach is upset and I just might yack!
MILE 26: I can't see the finish line, but I know it's close.
MILE 26.1: Josh runs up to greet me!
Post Race: It wasn't until the next morning that I fully grasped the level of my accomplishment due to the overwhelming pain throughout my entire body. Things I do remember.
1. My body hurts so bad.
2. Hey, I didn't yack!
3. I am going to punch this guy who keeps trying to give me water.
4. This medal is awful small
5. It was nice that Camile and Gretchen stayed.
6. There is no news camera!
Results:
1003 out of 1005
Time: 7:05:11 Pace: 16:13
Split Times:
6.1 Mile: 1:25:49 Pace: 14:04
12 Mile: 3:01:12 Pace: 15:06
15 Mile: 3:44:03 Pace: 14:57
19.3 Mile: 5:06:58 Pace: 15:55
Now I am going to recharge and do it all over again next year.
